just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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