I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
