he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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