My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
whose parrot is this?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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