Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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