i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This baby is an asshole
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
