He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize