i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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