were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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