i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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