Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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