you would pick up someone in the library
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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