And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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