I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
