that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
