i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
