Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found puke in my bra..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize