just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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