just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
