Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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