I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
