So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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