You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
