You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
