i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
