I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
