If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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