I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My feet surprised me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize