my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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