who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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