the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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