When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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