i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
