So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
