Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
