I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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