just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
