Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
