Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
