I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize