I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
