Moan for me like Helen Keller
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
