I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
