we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
