im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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