So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
