If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
