i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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