I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
