I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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