***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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