I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
