i think my tv is drunk
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
