Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
