Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
