i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Houston, we have a blender
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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