I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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