Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize