I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
