we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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