took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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