TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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