No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
