I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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