kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
