Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
