Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
