Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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