yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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